I recently received an email from a reader who had discovered my blogs while doing a research about the ego. When I checked one of her websites, I noticed it was black lesbian orientated, which I thought was interesting but not my cup of tea.
During a photo shoot of yesterday's episode of Britain's Next Top Model, the reality TV show where contestants compete to be the top model, the girls were split into pairs and had to kiss one another. Although a lot of the girls were horrified at the thought of kissing and touching intimately, they did it anyway.
It got me thinking about how I would feel if I had to kiss a girl. Would I be willing or go for it?
While I was university, I was curious about exploring what it means to be human. I ended up studying theories of race, gender, and sexuality which enabled me to deconstruct my various human identities including my sexuality. By the end of my degree, I came to the conclusion that although I consider myself to be a postmodern all and nothing girl, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am not interested in having intimate relationships with women apart from friendships.
About five years ago I met this guy who really fancied me. Although I wasn't interested in pursuing a relationship with him, I was curious to discover what it would feel like kissing him. We ended up snogging in this park. My friend was a fantastic kisser and ranks as one of the best I've experienced. Hmmm, yum! At the time, he told me that he was sure men and women find me attractive. I never did go out with him as I wasn't open to a relationship at the time.
Since then I've been curious about my friend's theory about my ability to attract both men and women. So far, I only tend to attract men of all nationalities and all ages; some way too young for my liking. There was this one time, however, when I met a woman at a park, whom I suspected was lesbian. We had a lot of fun hanging out feeding squirrels. After that she asked me if she could buy me coffee at the local cafe. I had a feeling she wanted to pursue the relationship. Fortunately, the cafe was closed and we went our separate ways. I never saw her again.
Given that I know my nature as a Spirit which is both male and female, I'm aware that my desire to be intimate with men is only a programme, actually one that was pre-determined before my birth. That's why I always knew the partner of my dreams is appearing in a white male body.
Back to the question about whether I would kiss a girl. In another dream, maybe, but not in this dream.
I am being the Me I choose to be.
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